Broken
by TemariArisaka
Summary: Repost. After dealing with the hatred of everyone around him for so long, Naruto is finally broken. He takes drastic action, but how will the village react? What about Sasuke? Angst. Self-harm. Suicide. Two-shot.
1. I'm Sorry

**Disclaimer: I do not own any song lyrics or characters. I do own the changes or exclusions that I made.**

A/N: The next chapters for my other stories will be up soon, but today is the second anniversary of my friend's suicide, and I was inspired to write this twoshot. The saddest part about suicide is that right after they attempt it, they regret it (Study was done on suicide survivors).

_**R. I. P. Alan**_

I'm Sorry…

I was walking down the street to my apartment when a ball came flying over the park fence. I picked up the ball, intending to throw it back to the little boy, but his mother ran up out of nowhere. "Stay the hell away from my child!"

"…but the ball…"

"Keep it! No one will want that thing- you touched it!" It stung, but she was right. Nobody would want something that the Kyuubi's container touched, or even came near. Too think anything else was just plain ridiculous. But that didn't mean that it didn't sting. Every time I tried to do something nice but was rejected, it felt like a stab in the heart.

_**Time has run out, for me,**_

_**Everything's distant**_

_**And I don't know what to believe**_

Am I a monster? I don't even know anymore. I do know that Kyuubi isn't the monster. Konoha is. Kyuu was avenging his mate and kits; they had been brutally slaughtered by Konoha shinobi. I have seen his memories of that day, and the regret he still feels. For the first twelve years of my life, I had no one. When I discovered that I had Kyuu, I had someone. Even if that someone was a demon, I had a friend. I was even more of an outcast for considering the nine-tails my friend. But I was no longer alone. Does considering the demon my friend make me a monster?

_**It's so hard,**_

_**Lost in the world's confusion**_

_**And I need to leave for a while**_

I needed to get away. The only place where I was certain I would be alone was the Hokage Monument. I was the only one who ever went up there. So I climbed, no chakra involved. Actual climbing, using just your body to pull yourself upward. My leg caught on a sharp stone sticking out of the mountain, but I refused to let him heal me. 'Kit. It is a nasty cut. Please. Why won't you let me heal it?'

'Maybe if I let this one heal naturally, Kyuu, they will stop hating us.'

'That is dangerous.'

'I'm desperate, Kyuu. I want acceptance. Even if only from my teammates.' Sakura recently began hating me more than usual, God only knows why. And Sasuke…well, he was my best friend. But I also liked him far more than a best friend should. And there is a better chance of hell freezing over than anyone, let alone an Uchiha, loving a monster.

'Fine.' He only agreed grudgingly, I knew. He was worried, but he understood.

_**Life is so meaningless**_

_**There is nothing worth a smile**_

_**So goodbye, I'll miss you**_

Oh, joy. My spot had been found by other villagers. My last haven, my last safe place, was gone. These were villagers who were raised to hate me. There were a lot of them; no surprise there. Most of the village, except the Rookie Nine, hated me. That was what I thought anyway. But my heart stopped when I saw Sakura in the mob as well, not trying to stop anything, but watching. "Do you want to know how we found your hiding place?" I stayed silent. "Your little _friend," _the villager sneered the word, "here followed you and told us where you go when you want to be alone."

_**And I'm sorry,**_

_**But this is my fate,**_

_**Everything is worthless,**_

_**No one who wants me to stay**_

I wasn't so dense as to not have noticed her following me. I just hadn't known why. I felt so stupid. I should have known better than to have thought I had any friends. I felt my eyes begin to water and Kyuubi whisper, 'Oh, Kit…' His voice, so sorrowful, brought me back to reality. I tried to leave, but the mob closed into a circle around me. I closed my eyes, knowing what would come next. I let them lead me to the tree, tying my arms together, leaving the tree trunk between my hands and my back. They repeated the process with my ankles. I didn't try to resist. I knew any attempts would fail.

_**And I'm sorry,**_

_**But I've waited too long,**_

_**So here's my goodbye,**_

_**No one will cry over me,**_

_**I'm not worth any tears**_

This little 'game' that the villagers would play with me only had one rule: No killing. Weapons and jutsus were allowed, along with just punching and kicking. But no killing. They didn't know that if they killed me, Kyuu would die as well. They thought he would be released. As her reward, Sakura got to go first. "Fucking bastard. Making my Sasuke-kun hate me…" Pft. That was just so typical of her, everything having to do with Sasuke. I really hoped that he was not in on this also. That would shatter me. She punched me in both of my eyes, but I refused to make a sound. That was my one act of rebellion. Her glare intensified, and she grabbed a kunai, putting three vertical lines on each cheek, through the horizontal ones already present on my face. She traced the cuts she had made with his fingertip, digging her nail into them. I refused to react, even when she kicked me where you should never kick a man. Wait. Silly me, I forgot. I'm not a man; I'm a monster.

_**It's been the years of abuse,**_

_**Neglected to treat the disorder**_

_**That's controlled my youth**_

_**For so long,**_

_**I'm in a fleshy tomb buried**_

_**Up above the ground**_

It wasn't as if this torture was new to me. They had been playing this game for years. It was hard to bear in the beginning, but they took delight in my screams, so I held them back. No one ever saw through my façade of smiles. Though Kyuubi heals wounds, he can do nothing about bruises. But no one cared enough to ask where they came from. Everyone who wasn't in on it just thought I was clumsy.

_**It's no use,**_

_**Why should I hold on**_

In the end, I always lost consciousness. I always gave up. There was no real reason to fight it. At least while I was unconscious it didn't hurt.

_**It's been five years**_

_**Don't need one more**_

_**So goodbye, life's abuse**_

I don't remember becoming unconscious. But I must have because when I came to, I was untied and alone on the Hokage Monument. I got up, but I didn't go back to my apartment like I usually would. I ran. 'Kit, they cut you up pretty bad. Please, let me heal it.'

'No, Kyuu. I want my face to scar. I want them to see what they did to me.'

'But, Kit…'

'No.' He was angry I knew. Not just at my refusal to let him heal me. But also at the villagers for hurting me in the first place. He was always angry after the 'game'.

_**And I'm sorry,**_

_**But this is my fate,**_

_**Everything is worthless,**_

_**No one who wants me to stay**_

When I finally stopped running, I had no idea where I was. Blood was falling into my eyes, and it stung. Luckily, there was a pond nearby. I looked at my reflection, horrified. Not only were my cheeks a checkerboard, but someone had carved the kanji for demon into my forehead. I felt slightly queasy. 'Kit, I will start to give them scar tissue, but I will not heal them. That a good compromise?'

'Sure.' I slipped off my blood-soaked clothing and got into the pond to clean myself off. The kanji for 'monster' and 'demon' were all over my body. Kyuubi had been right. They cut me up pretty bad.

_**And I'm sorry,**_

_**But I've waited too long,**_

_**So here's my goodbye,**_

_**No one will cry over me,**_

_**I'm not worth any tears**_

When he finished with the scar tissue, I scrubbed the blood off. I was completely caked in it. I stopped before I was even halfway through. I had had enough. 'Kyuu?'

'Yes, Kit?'

'Would you let me kill myself?'

'Why do you think you need my permission?' He seemed taken aback.

'It is your life too.'

He thought for a moment. 'Are you sure that this is what you want?'

'What I want is to be free.' I answered honestly.

After a moment's hesitation, he replied, 'Alright. But Kit?'

'Yeah?'

'Leave a note.' He used some of his chakra to make me a scroll, and I left a note. Only a few sentences, but I didn't have much to say.

_**And I'm sorry,**_

_**But this is my fate,**_

_**Everything is worthless,**_

_**No one who wants me to stay**_

'Kit, I will not see you in the afterlife.'

'What? Why?'

'Demons do not have one. We simply disappear.'

'Kyuubi?'

A pause. 'Yes, Kit?'

'I'll miss you.'

An unexpected burst of warmth flooded into my consciousness. 'I will miss you too, Kit.' I pulled out my kunai and make three cuts on each wrist, alternating between them. Not 'across the street' cuts, but 'down the street' cuts. Only truly suicidal people use those **(A/N: '**_**Across**_** the street' is from side to side. '**_**Down**_** the street' is from wrist to elbow. You lose a lot more blood, a lot faster.).**

_**And I'm sorry,**_

_**But I've waited too long,**_

_**So here's my goodbye,**_

_**No one will cry over me,**_

Watching my bleeding wrists, I realized something. Blood can be very pretty. It looked like liquid ruby, shining in the sun. Yes, it was very pretty. I lifted up my arms, watching it fall into strange pattern on the ground. I smiled; for once in my life, I was content. I had nothing to worry about. No one would mourn me. I had no obligations. I was utterly at peace. I didn't have to worry about getting beaten, jeered at anymore. No more worrying about my unrequited love. Just… calm.

_**So here's my goodbye,**_

_**No one will cry over me,**_

_**I'm not worth any tears**_

Goodbye, Konoha. Goodbye, loneliness. Goodbye, pain. Goodbye, hopeless dreams. I'm sorry. Even though none of you will miss me, I will miss some, a precious few, of you. I just can't take my endless pain anymore. Goodbye…


	2. I Miss You

Disclaimer: I do not own any song lyrics or characters. I do own the changes or exclusions that I made. The songs belong to Jamestown Story and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

A/N: The next chapters for my other stories will be up soon. I was informed by a reviewer that disclaimers do not cut it and the story could be deleted if not addressed, so see my disclaimer for the band. The story is simply written with the lyrics. I own nothing but the story.

**R. I. P. Alan**

I Miss You…

All was silent in Konoha's cemetery that day. None of us could believe that Naruto, so young and full of life, could have killed himself. It had been only yesterday that he had done it. When people finally noticed that he was gone, Kiba and Akamaru led the search party. When we found him, naked and covered in blood, we were confused. Was he attacked? If he was ambushed, why was he naked? I knelt down and dampened his shirt in the pond, wiping him down. When I saw his newly-made scars, I gasped. Tsunade stepped forward to see what was wrong, and turned white. She knelt down, taking the shirt from me, and continued to wipe him off. The clearing was deathly silent. When she finished with his face, we could all see everything that was there. 'Monster' and 'demon' were carved into his skin. He had three vertical slashes on each cheek, going through the horizontal ones he had always had. Suddenly, Tsunade stood and whirled around to face the crowd. "Which one?" she snarled, brokenly. "Which of you cowards hurt my gaki?" I looked up and saw the majority of the crowd pale. A few minutes passed. "Fine. Don't tell me. I will just get your chakra signatures from his body. And believe me. There will be hell to pay."

"B-but Tsunade-sama! We only hurt him! We didn't kill him!" I looked at the speaker, enraged to see our third team member, Sakura. While Tsunade ranted, I continued to clean him up.

"Tsunade…" I couldn't believe it. I needed her to confirm it for me.

"What?" she looked. "Oh God." She checked, and it was true. He had killed himself. I looked away, unable to see any more damage. And I saw the scroll. I slowly got up and walked over to it, looking at no one. I picked it up and unrolled it, unsure of what I would find.

_**Yesterday was full of tears, knowing death has just been here**_

_**All was lost but not forgot, the pain controls my every thought**_

_**A new day's battle has begun, all was lost and nothing's won**_

_**I can't wait to see the day, when the tears all go away...**_

Reading his note finally broke me. I cried as I read his goodbye.

'_Konoha, I know that you hate me. But I still care about all of you. So I forgive you. Konohamaru, keep your promise. I won't be Hokage, so you need to be. Kohaku, be strong for me. Don't fall apart. Baa-chan, don't punish the villagers. All they did was injure a monster. It isn't their fault. At first I thought suicide was selfish; then I remembered that I was unwanted anyway. Oh, Kyuu has something to say as well.' _

Then, in thicker, messier handwriting, the note continued. _**'Konoha, the Kit may have forgiven you, but I have not. The only reason I haven't tried to hurt you back was because he didn't want me to. The reason I attacked Konoha all those years ago was because you killed my mate and kits. I adopted this Kit and you tried to do the same thing. The only reason you didn't kill him was because you didn't want to free me. What you didn't know was that when Kit dies, I die too…'**_

A short way down the page, the note continued in Naruto's usual handwriting. _ 'Sakura was never the one I loved. I just didn't want to be even more discriminated against. It was always the damn teme. But no one, let alone an Uchiha, could ever love a monster. And I know that. And Kyuu didn't make me do it, I begged him to let me; I was always meant to die. Bye Konoha.'_

And today was his funeral.

_**I miss you, I kissed you, when we laid you in your grave**_

_**I need you, to believe you, things were meant to be this way…**_

Tsunade was the one who bathed and dressed him. She refused to cover the scars, wanting the village to see what they had done to him. And it hurt. Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro came all the way from Suna for the funeral. Only they, the other seven of the Rookie Nine, Kohaku, Tsunade, Konohamaru, Iruka, Kakashi, Jiraya, and I went to the memorial. Seventeen people. Out of everyone in Konoha, we were the only ones. For the actual funeral, Tsunade required the whole town to attend. Everyone had to see what they had put him through. When I got dressed this morning, I had decided, fuck the Uchiha crest. I went to his house and gathered all of his clothing. They still smelled like him. Like Naruto. And I wore the Uzumaki crest to the funeral. Before the lid to his casket was closed, Tsunade had everyone look at him and his now-marred face. They paraded by; I was last in line. When I reached him, I leaned over a pressed a light kiss to his forehead. The seventeen of us who actually mourned him stood in a line in front of his casket. We laid roses of various colors inside, trying to brighten up his unnaturally pale skin. As it was finally lowered, we each threw in our handful of soil and cried.

_**Today came with shattered dreams, everything's not what it seems**_

_**Don't think death won't come get you, 'cause it will life's misconstrued**_

_**Though my battle's just begun, I'm dropping arms and going to run**_

_**I can't wait to see the day, when these painful tears all go**_

_**Away….**_

Ino pulled me into a hug. I stiffened, but then she whispered, "I'm not fangirling Sasuke-kun. I am so, so sorry." After a moment, I pulled away.

"Uchiha?" Tsunade's eyes were red-rimmed, and I knew that she had been crying. "Is there any particular reason that you are wearing Naruto's clothes, rather than your own?" I self-consciously pulled the collar closer to me.

"I miss him." At that particular moment, a few of the villagers who caused this decided to start yelling.

"Why are you all so sad? The monster is dead! We don't have to worry about him or the damn fox anymore! We should be celebrating!" They were obviously drunk, sake bottles in their hands. Murmurs of agreement ran through the crowd. I opened my mouth, but we were all shocked to hear Hinata protest first, stutter completely gone.

"You BASTARDS!" she shouted, tears rolling down her face. "It wasn't enough to torture Naruto-kun while he was alive, now you have to ruin his funeral as well? You don't know when to stop, do you?" Everyone was stunned. Not only had she momentarily lost her stutter, but she had shouted. She dissolved into sobs, slumping toward the ground, before Neji caught her.

Kohaku said, brokenly, "If you aren't going to mourn onii-chan, leave. Just…leave." And almost the entire crowd left. She turned to me. "Sasu…" She began sobbing again, and I pulled her close.

_**I miss you, I kissed you, when we laid you in your grave**_

_**I need you, to believe you, things were meant to be this way…**_

After a while, everyone began to quiet down and scatter. Even Kohaku went back to the apartment she and Naruto had shared. I was left alone at his newly covered grave. Once I was alone, I finally let myself go. I cried. I cried for my best friend's death, for his pain, the life he had, the life he had never had a chance to live. When I had cried all of the tears I possessed, I still didn't leave. I couldn't.

_**I miss you, I kissed you, when we laid you in your grave**_

_**I need you, to believe you, things were meant to be this way…**_

I sat there for hours. I talked to him, telling him about Hinata's outburst and Kohaku's rage. I told him about Tsunade's red-rimmed eyes and the drunk men. I told him how stupid he was, leaving me alone like this. I didn't matter that he couldn't hear me. It didn't matter at all. For once, I was the one talking, telling him stories. Not the one listening. When it looked as if it were about to rain, I whispered, "I'll be right back dobe." I ran to the mansion and grabbed the biggest umbrella I could find. I ran back and put it behind his headstone, leaning over it to protect it from the rain. I told him I would be back tomorrow and slowly plodded back to my house and into my bedroom.

_**I did nothing at all, nothing at all, it's all my fault you're gone**_

_**Your face on my wall, face on my wall, it tells it all, you will live on…**_

It's my fault, I know it is. I knew that they hurt him, they abused him, but I didn't stop it. I didn't do a damn thing. The pictures of the two of us on my bedroom walls, smiling and laughing, make me feel like a traitor. And when he began acting differently around me recently, I just thought he was mad at me about something. I never thought…

_**I did nothing at all, nothing at all, it's all my fault you're gone**_

_**Your face on my wall, face on my wall, it tells it all, you will live on...**_

It had never occurred to me that the dobe would love me. I hope that, wherever he is, he saw that kiss to his forehead. "Dobe, did it ever occur to you that I might love you, too?"


End file.
